Sci-Fi & Scary

So the first time I read The Haunted Forest Tour, I never actually got around to doing up a review for it. I intended to. Had every intention of. But, well, other books distracted me. So blame them. Anyways, the first time I read this, it was as a buddy read with Meggy of Choco’n’Waffles fame. She had never read a horror book before. I picked the perfect one to start her off on, if I do say so myself. (And I do.) Anyways, I’m happy to report that The Haunted Forest Tour was just as enjoyable on the second read through as it was on the first.

This is a book that goes full on balls-to-the-wall with absolutely zero hesitation. You’re given some, uhm, skewers of background information to let you know how the Haunted Forest came to be, and then it’s on like three-headed rabid, hell-shot Donkey Kong. If you can imagine it, it’s in the forest. If you think you can be in the forest and not die, then you’re just stupid. And you’re going to be eaten horribly by the creatures that bloody well did lurk under your bed. Or maybe just in your imagination. Or by the giant decapitated but still living head right in front of you.

Most of the characters are just put on the page so that you can watch them die later. Most of their deaths evoke a gleeful chortle. There are a few you want to stick around for, even dare to root for. (You should never root for someone to survive in a book like this. It’s almost a given that they’re going to die. Almost.) The Haunted Forest Tour splatters brains, rips muscles, inserts worms, and kills people in pretty much the most disgusting and horrible ways you can think of to go when you’re thinking of “Death by Monster”. It’s Awesome.

This is probably my favorite line in the whole book. It just… It describes the tone and energy of The Haunted Forest Tour perfectly.

"Nobody said anything about giant severed heads!" Christopher shouted. "The commercials promised weird, scary stuff, but there was nothing about giant severed heads lying in the middle of the tracks! This is bullshit!"

If you’re offended by language, impure thoughts, horrible deaths… Well, if you’re easily offended at all, do yourself a favor and just walk away from this book. The Haunted Forest Tour is rude, crude, and unrepentant.  It’s kind of perfect.